Goodbye Rusty

Rusty does not have much longer to be with us. I have been through my own journey of understanding mortality and the value of life. All the love I could give him was given to the fullest extent every time we were together. Even that does not compare to the round the clock mothering and care given my mother, JoAnn Wilkey, or the fathering and love given by my father, Charles Wilkey. As much as I don't want any of those I love to feel pain or even cry, all is happening at least with the knowledge that everyone in Rusty's life loved him. Maggie started as a single mother of two cats. They are now like children of my own and I know she felt the same about Rusty. She hasn't stopped wishing for a dog since she met our beagle.

I fell apart when I first saw the X-ray. It came at a time of great vulnerability. But I still faced it best I could, bawled my eyes out and said my first goodbyes as soon as I led him out of the vet's office and into our van. My mother began administering the prednisone that would reduce his tumor and help him enjoy what time he had left. He has eaten all the chicken, ham, bacon and assorted treats. Each of us had the chance to take him outside and see him manage to poop and pee. He's been the best boy right to the very end.

I know that my last moments spent with him were mindful ones, with kisses and treats that I'd bought him for Christmas. Just as now I know that continued mindfulness has helped me prepare myself and my loved ones for his passing. I've applied skills learned for my own well being to the task of supporting my mother and father, encouraging them to cry and making sure that they knew that a veterinarian could be called tot he house, so they did not have to worry about any sudden emergency or how they would transport him.

I've been a good son to my parents and a good brother to my beautiful beagle, Rusty. I don't know how to bring this to an end, any more than I know how to face the end of a pet I love. All I know is that my love knows no end. In the past, our goodbyes were said at the vet's office when a pet passed. This time, some kind of service will be held and Rusty will be memorialized. I will take care of this because it is important to me to be part of this, and to make sure we all grieve and remember him properly.

Love forever and ever, to my boy Rusty.